The Most Important Video Game Build of Ever

The phrase “I have seen the future, and it works” is attributed to Lincoln Steffens, a proto-socialist who thought the USSR would be humanity’s haven for order and beauty. What he saw in the soon-to-be failed state, however, was merely a glimmer of the true light. Here is the true light:

It is a homemade arcade system equipped with every worthy game of our generation; it is the shimmering jewel of the ages, three decades-worth of pixels and magic. According to its assembler, Brian Collette, brother of baseball writer Jason Collette, the device has all you require:

Some of the sports games I do have working are arcade games like NBA Jam, Tecmo Bowl, ‘80s WWF games, Punch Out, Super Dodge Ball, Arch Rivals, Blades of Steel, etc., and some home console games like RBI Baseball 1-3, Baseball Stars, NHLPA ’93, among others.

A hearty giggity goo! A giggity goo to echo across the ages!

The principle of the machine is very simple — it’s basically just an old computer with a MAME emulator inside it. For more info on the parallel beauties and troubles of emulation, check out David Wiers’ excellent emulator article.

The hard part, really, is the hardware. But according to Brian, this is a device you, sir and/or madame, can build too:

• The “arcade cabinet shell” hails from Rec Room Masters
• Brian says the assembly is not taxing and that particular dealer has “lots of cool styles at all price ranges.”
• You will need a two-player joystick and trackball control panel.
• You will need a cheap PC and monitor. Says Brian: “I used a $200 Dell, any old one you’re no longer using would work; doesn’t need much modern power. Add some old computer speakers.”
• And for the cherry atop the castle of techno-awesome, Brian elected to add a coin-operated edifice so as to simulate spending extra money on playing these games. (And though he does not explicit suggest this, it may also work as an excellent power play in the family dynamics. He who controls the quarters controls the universe.) According Brian, this cleverness “only requires some simple wiring setup. They sell them here.”

(NOTE: We and I personally do not get any kickbacks from any of these above-linked business. Of course, if you work for one of those businesses, feel free to send me free stuff.)

And before you assault your loved one with tales of digital valor and majesty — and therefore signify the pressing need for a device such as this in your own home — girdle yourself with this knowledge: Apparently Brian is not the only enthusiast in the house. According to him, it’s a family affair:

My wife and son love it too, there’s nothing like playing a game on a real arcade machine whether it’s Galaga or Street Fighter II. Even Nintendo games like RBI Baseball translate well.

So really, not building one of these babies is like voting no on family values.

Bri-man estimates the total cost in the $500 to $1000 range, depending on what you’ll need to buy fresh. I, for instance, have lobbied to save at minimum two old towers (both of which have smaller processors than my Nexus 5 at this point), so I’d be gravy on that end, but the monitor would need to be acquired — perhaps via prudent garage saling. But can we put a price on awesome? Or, more importantly, can we put a price on the validation we will douse ourselves in when we suddenly have a (moderately) legitimate reason for storing those old computer parts in the baby’s closet?

Some things, I argue, are worth more than money.