So Better Robot Dogs are Here; How About Robot Dog Races Too?

Boston Dynamics, the now Google-owned robotics firm, released a video on Monday of it’s latest little terrifying robot, Spot:

The applications here are manifold: It could be a modern St. Bernard with a cask of whiskey for the stranded mountain traveler; it could be a vital supply delivery mechanism for war-torn or disaster-struck locales; and, most terrifyingly, it could be a deadly ground-based drone in the coming Future Wars.

But pertinent to us, they can replace the most-often-abused athletes: race animals. Or more specifically, greyhound dogs. Not only does the greyhound racing industry have a reputation — if not a history — of animal abuse (direct from owner to dog), it also has the unintended consequence of greyhound overbreeding. This can and has resulted in unacceptable euthanization rates among former race dogs.

So, is with most modern problems, the answer is probably robots. Let’s walk through the above video one more time and point out some of the pertinent details:

• 0:00
  Spot decides to go for a walk. Did he decide for himself, or was it a matter of programming culminating in this? Was it fate or free will? We’ll never know. Because they never show anybody controlling this robot.
• 0:22
  Craig from accounting, having no discernable soul, emulates the role of the typical greyhound goon, and Spot weathers it like a champ.
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• 0:29
  “Maybe if you win more races, I won’t be able to kick you because my solid gold shoes will be too heavy.”
• 0:51
  All-terrain dog races! ALL-TERRAIN DOG RACES!
• 1:09
  Seeing Spot dressed in a gray, foam-based armor excites me at the possibility of combat robot races, which is where the sport would inevitably lead.

  

• 1:21
  Did anyone else just pee themselves a little? Seriously, where’d this second robot come from?
• 1:39
  The only thing more terrifying than two all-terrain robot dogs is the shadow they cast.
  

  

• 2:45
  No robots were harmed?! I THINK WE WANT TO KNOW IF THEY RAISED UP AND OVERTHREW THEIR CREATORS; NOT WHETHER OR NOT THEY BROKE A WIRE.

I hope you’re as excited as me about the future of robot racing! Will they drive themselves around a circular course, or be driven by a pilot a la drone racing? Will all-terrain mountain courses draw the yawning gaze of Vegas? Will the robots self-actualize, overbreed, and then rise to power through democratic and soft-power means?

The answers, of course, are: “Both,” “probably,” and “no, violent revolution.” And I personally can’t wait to see some robot dog racing!